It’s been a contemplative week for me. August 14 is the anniversary of my mother’s passing. Right before her 75th birthday she was diagnosed with malignant brain tumors. She put up a fight before complications got the better her and seven short months after her diagnosis we lost her. In some ways, I feel like I lost her before the day she slipped away. As the disease progressed, it impacted her brain functions. Her ability to think and speak were compromised. That last words my mother ever said to me were unkind. I miss her all the time, but in those moments when I miss her the most, I wish for a do-over…a second chance to tell her everything I felt and to hear her say everything I knew she felt.
Sadly, life is often filled with moments we wish we could relive, things we wish we could take back, actions we wish we could undo. I can’t change the past, but I can focus on the moments that reflect the truth of my relationship with my mother, not the reality of the disease that took her from us.
So this is one of the moments, I will focus on in those times when her loss rises up and becomes unbearable. My beautiful mother and me on my wedding day, sharing the joyful day with nothing but love for each other.